Making it "Right"

Today Mark and I picked up our marriage license. We marveled at the ease we both felt. Zero drama. Nice and calm. Mentioning this to a friend later that day, he stated, "Well that's a sure sign that it's right."

Since announcing my marriage to Mark people have all come out of the woodwork claiming, "I knew he was the right one for you!"

Well if calm equals right, what about all those times that I feel terrified or freaked out? Is that a sign that it's wrong?

We're such sign seekers when it comes to love. If the sunlight shines on his hair in such and such a way... then you know its "right."

blah blah blah

What are we really looking for with signs? Are we looking for guarantees? Proof that THIS could NEVER GO WRONG. Is sign seeking right? As I recall God says over and over again in the scriptures not to seek for signs. We seek for confirmation. We are to move forward and then by us acting in faith God will move in His way too, and confirm.

So maybe that's what people are saying. My calm is a confirmation. But what about my panic sometimes? Is that... not confirmation?

I'm not writing this to determine what is and isn't proof of the confirmation of the Spirit. Nor am I trying to determine the "rightness" of my relationship and pending marriage.  I'm taking issue with this idea of "rightness" and the guarantees that supposedly go along with it.

Last night I sat on the floor of my entry way with a newly married friend. Her relationship and engagement were full of panic-stricken moments. She also had a few brief moments of peace too, and those moments gave her the courage to move forward with the ultimate commitment of marriage. But on the other side of that commitment she found the actual WORK of marriage. That things are sometimes good and sometimes crappy, not typically magical, but occasionally memorable.

And that is what I'm talking about.

I'm tired of this idea that IF a marriage is right it'll feel, look, smell, taste, be... perfect! I fear that idea has led to countless relationships ending (kardashion anyone - "I guess it wasn't the fairytale I was looking for").

I'm not saying that I don't think some people are better suited for each other than others. For sure. I've dated all of Provo, I should know. I am saying that when I give into the idea that when things feel good with Mark, that's proof that it it's right because the flip side of that coin is scary and powerless and makes us victims in our own lives.

As humans I think we like the idea of the magic of "right" and not the work of making it right.

And that is what I'm talking about.